ED’S HANGOUT, THE BEGINNING

About five years ago, two friends took a stroll down the banks of Tinker Creek. After only a few short minutes they came upon an area which looked perfect for a dam. All day they labored until on one side a great amount of water had amassed, while on the other only a trickling stream emerged. This bewildered the two chums so much that they were there the next day, and the next. Soon enough there were two sturdy dams constructed only ten feet apart separating a raging river and a mountain stream.

As time progressed the dams weren’t enough to hold the two burley construction workers interests at bay, so they began to explore the idea of a “fort”. A single strand barbed wire fence was assembled around their chosen area and the dams were safe from the foreign invaders (domesticated bovines). An array of weapons were constructed from local paradise trees, which were harvested from the local bat-mobile, and the two land owners began to furnish there terrain. Shelters were derived from old conveyor belts, a table was assembled using plywood and old tires, and a burn barrel was carefully constructed by beating through an oil barrel with a pick axe.

The two friend’s dreams were accomplished! By the following warm season, they had acquired the temporary use of a humungous tent for their over night exploits. Their stay at the “fort” was one week. By day they took pride in their many accomplishments, and by night they feasted their imaginations on micro machines (the game). The two lacked nothing.

Then, one sweltering day in the heat, two good looking Samaritans were spotted on the roadway. The two chums invited the two wanderers over to share a word. As the two drew near, the fort owners realized that there was only one wanderer; one extra large one. After a short break every six steps the single extra large wanderer arrived at the fort gate. After sharing a few words with the extra large wanderer, the two chums became 3.5 chums. Now the ranks were replenished and the trio point fiv-o could accomplish anything.

Later, in the near future a year later, the fortiniers were exploring the great depths of Tinker Creek when they came upon a local free loader not doing anything, as usual. Since the trio point fiv-o was feeling vast amounts of generosity they added the free loader to their ranks. Soon, the group felt the need to explore every inch of the mysterious creek; so they formed the dogs. The first explorer was deemed “Mud Dog” for his immense affixation with mud. The second explorer, felt the need to leap. His strange talents in jumping earned him the name of “Frog Dog.” The free loader was deemed “Pudgy Dog”, named for his short jello-roll-like appearance. The lonely extra large wanderer was unsatisfied with the rest of the groups actions, and rebelled by killing the one thing Frog Dog could not bear to see get hurt, frogs! Though the majority of the group was abhorred by the extra large wanderer’s actions, the free loader was obsessively intrigued. He joined the E.L. wanderer in his murderous scheme and Frog and Mud Dog were ashamed.

Despite the two’s “shamenessism” time marched on. One morning after yet another over nighter, the fort was engaged in a never-ending battle. After five minutes the invaders ceased in their aerial attack and the battle was over. After eliminating the opposing forces (the spawn of young porn stars) another traveler was spotted. This traveler had a sinister look to him. His hair and face looked as if he had just had his face freshly ironed. From his “quoif” to his freakishly stylish shoes, he was covered in white (skin). Despite his “tan” the two invited him for a spot of conversation. After stultifying what they perambulated, the freakish boy joined Ed’s ranks. The “fort” had now acquired the means and resources to accomplish or conquer anything! As their first proclamation a campout was proclamated. First, a fireplace was constructed. Next, the tent was risen from the depths of the tent bag. Finally, the food was chained to the “poo tree” to protect it from the extra large wanderer, the launderer. With everything in place the campout could now begin.

The campout raged on into the wee hours of the morning and the friends partied like it was nineteen ninety nine, because indeed it was. The next day was shrouded in clouds (literally). The five chums desired nourishment and they returned to their homeland to acquire it. During their meal the sojourners noticed the rain had begun to fall. Excited, the five inhaled their lunch and ran to play in the rivers created. A light bulb burnt the insides of Frog Dog’s already damaged brain with a grave discovery, the creek of the fort had probably risen also. As deer run from the sounds of children with firecrackers the five ran to their beloved fort. Upon arriving disaster struck the hearts of the adventurers. Their loving fort lay in waste, destroyed by a viscously menstrual woman, mother nature. The tent was full of water as a tick is full of blood. Frantically, the five pried the staked down tent off the ground and drug it to safety. The rest of that gloomy day was spent in despair, as the dams were carried away as a theft carries away a diamond ring.

Later, the event was deemed “Ed’s Disaster” and reconstruction began. The fortiniers took pride in their land and continue to dwell in one of their many fortresses to this day…